Monthly Archives: January 2012

Giving-Can we?

My experience with giving

We always read and are taught that the more you give, the more you get. Or whatever you give comes back to you multiplied and many others in the same vein. Even I have grown up reading all this, yet when I see a beggar I try to decide how much he/ she will need! If I do not have change I put a ten rupee note and pick out 5-7 rupee coins from the beggars bowl! It did not bother me much earlier. I used to think, ‘What the heck! They surely do not need Rs.10/-! Rs.2 is more than enough, and so on.’ The look on the beggars face was indescribable. I never made eye contact though, simply picked my change and hurried away. Very recently, I read this article:

Bade Ghulam Ali Khan, the famous ghazal singer, was known to give, give and give. He returned home to Pakistan, preferring to spend the last days of his life in his homeland. But his Indian Bhajans and songs in praise of Indian Gods was met with opposition; forcing him to return to Bombay, India. He came back a penniless man with no income or wealth. So, his aficionados, the lovers of his music, collected Rs. 20000/- (In those days it was decent amount) and gave it to the maestro.

That very evening, after the concert; somebody came up to Ghulam Ali Saab and started weeping, saying he had no money, not even for food. This great human being pulled out the entire sum of Rs. 20000/- from his pockets and simply gave it all to the weeping person! He retained not a single coin even.

I felt so ashamed, I had nowhere to hide. The whole picking the change from the beggars bowl and the stricken look on the beggars face was right in front of my eyes. I died a thousand deaths in that one moment of realization. I am so self –centered! What a sop to my conscious I gave deciding how much the beggar needed! Who Am I to decide?

My spiritual Guru writes, ’what we receive is to be distributed. Even distributing has its own law which says,”Unless everybody receives, you cannot give to one in particular, except when it is your family.’ Even in a family we do give only one person followed with the instruction of “share it with all “or “distribute equally amongst all present.” When we sow seeds and water our fields, we do not water a particular seed. We water the whole field and which seed grows bears fruit is not in our hands. It is not for us to pre judge the seed and say, ’yes, this will bear fruit, so I will water only this seed!’

Similarly when we have fish in the tank to feed, we do not feed one fish! We feed all of them; you cannot isolate one and say this one’s hunger is more than the other! But when it comes to giving we become very judgmental and stingy too. We will give as much as we want, to who so ever deserves according to us! Why?

Bade Ghulam Ali khan had nothing when he returned to Bombay. He received from others and the very same evening he parted with the entire amount without hesitation. He gave, simply gave away what he had. Whether he had anything for himself was never on his mind and whether the person asking deserved, needed that much also never crossed this magnanimous man’s mind.

He gave, truly gave away!

wake up dads

Through a daughter”s eyes

My sister”s daughter wrote a poem for her dad on his birthday. It was a straight from the heart writing, not at all fancy or rhyming, nothing. It’s just a few lines telling how she felt about her father and how she wished him to be for his own good!

Most dads today are visiting/guest daddies. Actually, maybe even our dad was a visiting dad. But we siblings were more in number, and between us and mother we did not miss our dad much. True? Most of my friends are 4-5 brother sister combination. And none of us remember much about dad spending time with us, taking time off to teach us or us noticing his absence and complaining about it.

India has changed dynamically in the last 3 decades. From predominantly joint family to nuclear family, only father earning member to both the parents working, from 3-5 children to 1-2 children has all happened in this last few decades. It has been one too many changes and too soon for us to be able to cope with.From our childhood to our adult parent life this has been the biggest change and all differences are because of these few changes. My This is strongly indicated by best-horoscope.com for this year. son also notices his dad”s absence and most of my counsel-lees have a word or two about the busy, independent, aloof life styles they seem to lead!

The poem was telling the father that it is good to be ambitious, get rich and successful in life. In the end though, none of these really mattered. She, the daughter, wanted him to be happy and do the things that made him happy even though they may not bring in world renown, money and riches. These things would bring in happiness which would last and the put smile back on his face which she rarely saw these days!She pointed out everything that her father was missing out on in his race to succeed in life! Very succinctly yet in a very unambiguous way she was talking on behalf of all the adolescents and to all dads out there!

Time gone will never comeback dads! Your corporate ladder and empires can be climbed and built but you will be a stranger to your kids. Unlike you, we are half in number and do not have too much company either. We spend our childhood alone in our nests; when the time for us to fly away comes you will be staying home, alone. In case you want the excuse of “This is all for them only!, a logic as a sop to your conscience, maybe you could think again. You earn much more than your parents and your progeny will definitely surpass you! You are not going back and staying at your ancestral home and your children will also follow their destiny and build a life elsewhere! You build an empire for them, which is of what value to them, they will never figure out, in this process you are missing out on the little time that God gave you to be with them, as a family, to know them and love them! Wake up dads, before they fly away from your nest.

parents were kids too

parents were kids!

This picture has the mother too. Pick who is who! Very funnily we forget the day we don the parents garb that we were children once!.As a counselor, specializing in adolescent counseling, “how to tame my wild child ” is the most popular query. And almost nine out of ten parents say, “we were never like this! we used to obey, behave, never question our parents…look at this generation! I did everything exactly the way my parents taught me! In fact, I gave them freedom and raised them in a very unorthodox way! Look at what I got myself into today ” They lament endlessly and I feel very bad interrupting and snapping them out of their self-piteous dream.

careful ,it may snap

I will quote my favorite author again, Khalil Gibran says”Your children The Affordable Care Act does address the growing cost of health care, it’s true focus is on reforming and expanding health individual insurance . are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life”s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday . You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.”

Shows us the mirror very blatantly, yes? We want our children to become what we could not, our unfulfilled dreams and aspirations are unconsciously pushed under their nose. Some lucky parents are blessed with a progeny which willingly steps into the parents shoes. But many seek different goals and want to walk the path less trodden. It is wiser if the parents learn to adapt to the changing times. what may have been the best during our youth will surely be obsolete today. We must guide them and show them the alternatives available; leaving the decision making to them. The more you stretch the string of the bow the sooner it is likely to snap, rendering it useless altogether. Likewise, when the coercion becomes unbearable, the child snaps and rebels. The misbehaving starts and the parents agitation starts too.

This generation parents have become needlessly competitive. The acceptance levels run low and comparison is the biggest vice. The children are finding it burdensome to live up to their expectations and many are succumbing to the pressure .

what is best for my child?

for my baby

Recently, I was reading an article; a blog in fact. It has an extensive survey report on health drinks! The very popular ‘Bournvita’ ‘Horlicks’ and ‘Complan’ were researched for their stated claims and their true value! The author and the family have used/consumed the above for a certain time frame, observed the results and made the statistical analysis. For the readers who are interested in that data, numbers and equations the site is www.kidsandparent.comFor the result keen parents like me, Complan was voted as the best health drink, followed by Horlicks. And much to my joy (I simply am against Bournvita) Bournvita was at the bottom of the list. All the claims they make in the advertisements are untrue. The DHA component and the advantages it supposedly has are needlessly escalated. Horlicks with the Barley in it is a better health drink. This is for the entire conscious mother’s fraternity; any other research you want to get covered or survey results you are in search of, it is good to go through the blog and put up the requisite queries. The survey currently inline is baby food brands and the best a mother can offer the baby, like Pediasure and Cerelac, Farex etc.

That article set me thinking as to what I gave my kids at that age. Memory digging revealed that with my first born, I was in the exact state of mind that most mothers seemed on that site! I went through identical doubt pangs and used to question everything in an earnest attempt to do my best for my kid. This net research was unheard of in India then and wise aunts’ tips, grandparents’ wisdom, mother-in-laws: “we did this and not this!”, mother’s consolation or Doctor’s advice were our only knowledge banks! I did what all of them said in bits and pieces and suffered a fair share too because of this! My first born is still very susceptible to all infections and viruses! His immunity levels are severely beaten and he is sick at the drop of a hat. By the time I had my second baby; I was experienced and also determined not to make the same mistakes that I made with the first one! Tinned/ canned food and Powder milk never entered my house. Even feeding bottles lasted barely 2 months or so. I can count my visits to the doctor, apart for the regular immunization shots; I went twice in the first year and maybe 3-4 times in the following four years. I had to go almost every month for my first born.

I, personally, am of the feeling that mother’s milk is the best for the infant, as many times as the baby wishes to feed. Secondly, start cereals and grains soups, boiled vegetable blends as far as possible. Keep Pediasure etc only as the last resort. This is your best chance to make minimal visits to the Pediatricians! Natural food is the best immunization for the child. With luck, you can also escape the woes of weaning the kid away from bottle and graduating to sipper and bribing the baby through colorful glasses, flavored drinks just to get the toddler to have a glassful of milk (You save a lot of money, time and effort! Believe me).

Once the energetic bundle reaches five years of age, it is inconsequential which health drink you choose. He/ she may drink milk as it is and in case you have to make a choice do choose the best, to be on the safer side! Raising a healthy child is honestly pretty economical still. Ask the mothers from rural India.

This is the mother of all surveys conclusion:-). Parents can always go and check elsewhere for better options and cross check whether they have made the right choice or not!

my babies

The slim -chubby pair
The slim -chubby pair